lately

my heart is breaking lately. breaking all over the place. like i think i will step on it some days. or go to bed and not be able to breathe kind of break. but its breaking .

breaking for all the pain going on around me. watching friends and family go through upheaval and life altering agony.
watching a parent go through a liver transplant while she cries at night that he will just except Jesus as the Lord. not worrying so much about all the medicine and appointments but about where her father will spend eternity. this breaks my heart.
breaking when marriages are ripped apart by deceit and deception. when you try so hard to protect your heart from not getting walked all over. the kind of pain when you puke in the front yard because it is too much for one to bear alone.
breaking for babies across the ocean who are told by a corrupt government that they can't come home to their mama's. while babies are dying and alone and not eating or having the right medication. and the evil one is all over the country trying to keep families apart.

breaking for ones who are lonely. lonely sitting their classroom. hoping that someone will notice that they are there. just asking once if they want to play at recess. lonely laying in bed at night knowing that the sheets next to them remain cold because of choices that they need made. choices that they have no control over. but the loneliness still aches so deep like a silent cold winter morning whether you are a woman or a girl.
breaking for marriages that can't forgive. can't stop yelling. can't stop hating. can't stop loathing. can start loving. can't start forgiving. can't start living.
my heart is breaking and their are days it seems too much. like don't want to answer the phone or even get out of bed. but i have learned. slowly learned. that my heart isn't mine to heal. i daily need to hand Him my heart. broken, pieced, aching, lonely, bitter, dying heart for Him to heal.
and He gently whispers...dear one, I have had it all along.