big love

this year was going to be different. i was determined. i had a talk with Jesus last night and we decided it would be different. well actually He decided i just listened.
so the alarm was set and i was ready to go. i got up early. ok fairly early like before 7. not regular people early. even so, i was up early ready to make this day different. i rushed ok walked downstairs to make heart shaped french toast with strawberries and powdered sugar. i was not going to stay in bed and then just pour a bowl of cheerios for all of them . no this year i was going to make it different.
see He and i decided that i needed to love my family big this year. like do what they love big. not what i like. so i made their favorite breakfast and laid out homemade valentine cards with candies for all of them at the table. i made sure that i wrote them each a love letter in their lunches and cut out their peanut butter sandwiches in the shape of a heart. i needed to be different. i needed it to be.
you see every year i dread valentines day. like i would rather throw up spaghetti than celebrate this day. i remember as a teenager having my heart broken time after time around this time of year. i remember wanting nothing more than to be on the treadmill and then go eat a gallon of ice cream. so yes i loathed valentines day. it reminded me how lonely i was. and as a teenager that has got to be one of the worst feelings.
as i grew up and got married you'd have thought that this feeling would have dissipated. yet it didn't. it just looked different. its not that i was so lonely. its that our marriage didn't look like others around us. we have never been and maybe never will be a gushy, lovey dovey, make you vomit kind of relationship. we do love each other. i just never felt like we fit into the mold of valentines day.
but then last night something happened. i realized that Jesus never asked me to fit into a certain mold. Jesus did not invent valentines day. i don't think he would approve of the millions of dollars that are spent on pieces of paper, candy and flowers while their are orphans dying alone every day. i'm just sayin. but He did love. He does love. He will always love.
so i felt like He was telling me that i needed to love my family big today. because He loves me big every day. day after day He loves me. He sends me love letters. He comforts me. He showers me with blessings. He protects me. He loves me most.
so i choose for today to be different. i will not sulk and cry because my life doesn't fit in to the mold of the world. i choose to show my family and friends a little bit of the love that Jesus shows to me...everyday.