19

i am 34. i am 34 is what i keep telling myself. i am 34 with four amazing kids. i am 34 and have a wonderful family. i am 34 and have a faith that i can't fathom. i am 34 and have a husband who tries so hard. i am 34 and have friends who care deeply. i am 34.

i feel 19. i feel 19 at this moment. i feel 19 as my stomach does flips. i feel 19 as i pack my bag. i feel 19 as i look in the mirror. i feel 19 as i hear you aren't thin enough. i feel 19 as i hear you are so fat. i feel 19 as i wonder why they want to be around me. i feel 19 as i think about why they popular girls even want to be seen with me. i feel 19. i hate feeling 19. i hate feeling like i am in a bubble. i hate feeling like i want to hide. i hate feeling like i will never be enough. i hate feeling like i am 19.

i am 34. i am 34 and still let myself feel like 19. i am 34 and want to forget 19.

i am 34 and never want my girls to feel 19. 19 like i did. 19 like i still do.