Wednesday, June 3, 2009

worth


i quit my job.in this economy i quit my job. i wasn't let go. i didn't get sized down. i just quit. i quit because in the last three weeks that i haven't worked i have slept better than i have slept in years. i quit because i was waking nightly with dreams i couldn't explain and couldn't escape. i quit because i realized i already had a job. i am a mom. and for the past few years i have felt very torn as to what my role is. am i supposed to be bringing in a paycheck so we can pay all of the bills or am i supposed to be at story hour with my toddlers? simple? not really. not for someone who for years has tried to find her value on her own. wanting the approval of my parents, friends and my spouse. but i forgot the most important one. GOD. i forgot the HE is all i need. HE knows my worth and it doesn't come in a paycheck or in a quarterly review. it comes from me cleaning cereal off the floor, wiping the tears, signing the homework, catching bugs all while making dinner kind of worth. it comes from hearing i love you one minute to i can't believe you are so unfair the next kind of worth. it comes from knowing that at the end of it all i gave it my best.so i quit. i quit because of these smiles.

2 comments:

elisabethcorcoran said...

I am SO PROUD of you.

ESolgos said...

Wow! You are storing up treasures in heaven- who needs a paycheck?!