Saturday, October 1, 2011

don’t wear a watch.

i can’t stand when people are late. drives me batty. i almost think its disrespectful. i get frustrated and upset and think…don’t they know i am busy? and then i had more kids. more soccer. more swimming. more art class. more piano. and live in a city that has the worst construction ever. and i find myself late more and more. but it still drives me crazy. i hate to be late anywhere.  ( i think its part of my people pleasing thing…).

i was not this way in africa. not at all. in fact i loved that everything was late. or early. or never happened. loved it. embraced it. thought it was comical at times. but here. in america. in my cushy house. in my car. on my paved roads. where there is electricity all the time. where we can look at the time on our watch. phone. wall. i-pad. we are late. all the time late.

but God isn’t. He is never late. He knows the time. He knows the day. He know the moment. He created them. He breathed them into being.

timing has been on my heart more and more these days. my timing.His timing. how i get frustrated that the two don’t match up. how i get so arrogant to believe that my timing is better. that i know when things should happen. when my blessings will get there math lesson. when we will find a new piano teacher. when i will finally loose all the weight. when my littlest blessing will be easier to parent( we can all dream…). when my friends will feel love again. when my marriage will thrive again. when my babies will come home. really home.

this timing has me thinking. feeling. realizing that i want control. i want things to happen when i think they should happen. and i am face to the floor begging God to forgive me of this. face to the floor begging for Him to take this arrogance away from me.

how often do we as people. as mothers. as americans. as sinners do this. how often do we unconsciously say to God. “no worries, i’ve got a better idea…why don’t You do it my way. on my time.” i do. i am so guilty of thinking that. and then i find myself again. face to floor. not wearing a watch.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.


Dawn Buie said...

It's hard to not want control of your own life but it's even harder to let it go and give it all to God.. But once you do start letting go of the control I find that I can breath a little easier..

Hugs and the best of luck to you.

Julie Garmon said...

Beautiful! Thank you for sharing.

Such honesty!!