fish

conflict. i hate it.

like i would rather eat raw fish than deal with conflict. but lately apparently raw fish has been on my tail. either conflict within myself or conflict with someone else. it has been constant. i have felt that when i think all of the conflict has gone ....nope someone else has a problem with me. my decisions. my family. my beliefs.

there have been days i either want to hide. turn off my phone. avoid emails. ignore comments. and then days when i am all out on my knees begging God to take me away from it all.

and then there are times that i just want to scream. scream that their are children dying. dying right now. and you want to argue or criticize me on my voice tone. really? really?

i want to scream that there are more important things to worry about than how many children we have in our family.

i want to scream that you have lost perspective about what is really important. that to get yourself all worked up over trivial matters is not worth it.

i want to scream that i don't need fixing. i don't need changing. that's HIS job.

and then He reminds me. He's working on them too. and He never promised there wouldn't be conflict. He just showed me how to deal with it.

so here i am eating raw fish....