in high school and college i thought was a fast learner. put me in any english or psychology class and i could whip out a paper like no one's business. and thinking that a college degree would carry over to real life was a mistake. i thought i could pick up on things pretty quick. but apparently not. no degree or level of education can help when all you need is humbleness. to be knocked to your knees. to see yourself in the mirror. to have the walls broken down from years of self protection. or just plain pride.
so i am learning. relearning. taking another test. but this time the test is my marriage. and this time i want to get an "A". in a bible study i finished recently the leader said that God will give you the same test or trial over and over in life until you get an "A". whether we like to take the test or even want to take the test it needs to be given so we see the fulfillment of God's love and grace. and i thought i had taken this test before. but i guess i never entered the room.
so here i am again. and by again i mean the first time. fighting. begging. pleading to take the test. asking to sit in the front row. sharpening all my pencils. bringing treats for the teacher (although that never helps). and when it was time He gave me the test.
so i am taking it. and its not one i can rush through. or just skim over. or ask my best friend to take for me.and its not the test that i can get the cliff notes for. although i think that's what i have been banking on all these years. and i look at what He has put before me and i realize that i have never seen half of the things on the page. and the other half i just rushed through. putting down the answers i thought looked right.
but He is patient with me. He isn't waiting for me to turn it in just yet. He wants me to study this test. to make sure that i get it right. that when i get a wrong answer that i catch myself and ask Him for help. that i not look to the ones outside the classroom to finish the test.
but that i finish it. that i complete it. that i get an "A". that i believe that it is worth an "A". that i deserve an "A".