i have been struggling lately. not with everyday kind of stuff.
the dishwasher is broken. oh well.
the dryer just broke. oh well.
the kids have boycotted naps. oh well.
the dog is eating twice as much. oh well.
the oldest has decided to take 30 min showers. oh well.
the order of my house is gone with summer here. oh well.
i have been struggling with other things. relationship things. things like feeling i don't fit in. don't fit in their world anymore. things like i have grown another way and i can't relate anymore. i struggle with not understanding how you can always think you need more stuff. bigger and better and newer. struggling with understanding why. why when in the same country. in the same state. in the same county their are kids who don't have shoes. kids who live in bug infested homes. kids who parents can't find a job. kids who don't know any other way. kids who came to this country for a better life. but is this it?
is a better life more stuff? is a better life a bigger house? is a better life eating out? is a better life the rich schools? is a better life more activities? is a better life having your schedule full? what is a better life?
when i pass will Jesus ask me if i provided a better life for my kids? or will He ask me if they know Him? will He ask if i let them be creative? will He ask if i let them dress like they wanted to? what? what will He ask?
so i still struggle. i struggle with how this all works together. struggle with the understanding. the understanding why.