throwing up

you know the feeling when you don't know if you are going to throw up or cry? that is where i am at right now. in three days i leave for africa. hot. rainy. foreign. away from my kids africa. just now i think i threw up a little bit. i am scared. i am scared to go. i am scared about being there. i am scared about showing up with the wrong luggage ( suitcase full of sweaters dream). i am scared about getting sick. i am just plain scared.

as it gets closer i do more things to avoid thinking about away from my kids africa. like really important things. like clean the car. mow the lawn. weed the garden. clean the fridge. clean the oven. all to avoid the packing to away from my kids africa.

and then this happened. "mom i am so happy you get to go to africa and make those kids smile"

oh.

so i start packing.