not a year of 8.

Last year I knew it would be the year of seven. I was turning 37 and we were becoming God willing a family of seven. Little did I understand to what magnitude we would have to endure to become that family of seven. But here we are a year later and I am blessed with five little blessings under my feet. I decided though that this year was not a year of 8. Lord help us all.

It needs to. I ache for it to be a year of calm. Not asking for things to be perfect or even things to be smooth. But for me to learn how to reach for those who bring me calm. To focus on the scripture that speaks calm over my soul .To cling only to the God who can change my heart. To surround myself with those who do not bring more stress than is needed. I am declaring myself a “drama queen free zone”. If I have to take a xanax to speak with you than probably will not be on my speed dial. Just sayin. I am learning to bring more peace into my home .I am intentionally slowing down. And then slowing down some more. Saying “no thank you” to invitations. To play dates .To coffee. To getting together. By being more fully aware of what is happening to my stress level each day. There have already been days I have had to cancel plans because I need to. I want to be here. I want to be with my children. I want to be in my home. In my own bed. I want to be able to hear myself think. To feel my heart beat .I am not being selfish I am being healthy. I want space to figure out what happened this last year. I need space to grieve the relationships that have suffered. The places of safety that no longer exist. I need time to believe in my marriage again. And I want to surround myself with people that believe in me. In my kids. In my husband. I want to know that I have those around me that have my back. And not just talk behind it. I am giving myself permission to want these things. To need these things. To have these things.To pray and yearn for a year of calm.

Isaiah 41:13

“For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear I will help you.”