james

so it’s been over a week since i have posted. this may be in account because i am dealing with a lot of personal upheaval and or because i can’t put two sentences together. i am only seven days into this 7 challenge. seven months of letting go of the excess in my life. this month’s challenge is 7 foods for a whole month. now to the average person this would seem like no big deal. well people it is. it is a huge deal .i am a food lovin, salsa on everything kind if girl. this past week all i have eaten is this…chicken (only baked or grilled –no breading or seasoning), sweet potatoes, vanilla yogurt, black beans, rice, apples and bananas. that is it. if you will kindly notice there is no coffee, no creamer, no bread, no salsa and chips. i have to admit the first three days i may or may not have told my family the following- i was going to claw anyone’s eyes out that would dare drink coffee around me. i dreamt about java. i smelled it everywhere i went. i would throw down and fight someone who was carrying a starbucks in my vicinity. my relief came when i started popping excedrin like it was candy. it eased the migraines so i could actually function and walk in the land of the living.

what has become apparent to me in this past week is a few things.-

1. i may or may not be addicted to caffeine. ok i am. i own that. my body has become dependent on it and apparently i didn’t think i could function without it. my oldest blessing likes to tease me that the coffee shop called and asked if i were ill. yeah, its that bad people.

2. i am competitive. downright want to win there is no second place competitive. i am doing this challenge with many other women in my church who thought this would be fun.(its not) this is not a good quality when you are trying to have more of Jesus and less of you in your life. it does not fair well for offering grace and forgiveness.  i have had to tell myself many times this past week that not everyone needs to do what i am doing or the way i am doing it. apparently my way is not the only way. hmmm.

3. i am a nicer person when i have food in my belly. my blessings are counting down the days when they can feed me a cupcake or pour coffee down my throat. they have been extremely supportive and loving through this but feel like they would like to share their chicken nuggets with me…i get it.

4. i didn’t say no to myself before this. i don’t. i want something to eat. i eat it. i want something to drink. i drink it. this past week i have begun to learn what It means to say no to myself. to not indulge every ache or hunger i have. to say no. to say yes to feeling the pain. to say yes to reaching for the Word and not the refrigerator door.

its only seven days in. but today is the start of lent. for years i have been inclined to give something up. not perhaps because i wanted to but because that is what we were “supposed to do”. this year as i am entering lent i am already hungry. hungry for salsa people. but more than that i am hungry to be filled by Christ. so i am taking on another task…to memorize the book of james. this is a huge undertaking but i feel like i need it. my soul is aching for it. and since we are still in the waiting for our little ones from across the ocean i want the book of james seeped in every corner of my being.

i pray to come to easter morning filled. filled with His words. filled with His truth. filled with more of Him and less of me.