little orphan annie

we sat around the room catching up on our weekly events. whose kid is sick. who is pms(ing) (yes we talk about this). who can’t believe they have a child entering high school. all while drinking our breakfast or what you all call coffee. and then it came. the dreaded “ice- breaker” question. the one that make you squirm in your seat or suddenly have a phone call to take. so this weeks question…."what do you excel in?”

hmm…excel. well i am not sure. sarcasm um….of course. but anything that was significant or put a medal up on my shelf…nope.can’t think of anything. when i was younger i wanted to excel in many things piano, singing, being little orphan annie on broadway (a girl can dream…) , having amazingly long hair, beating my brothers in anything. i longed to be amazing at a sport. and oh did i try out for everything. i had two fantastically gifted brothers who exceeded expectations of athletic ability. me. not so much. when you run the wrong way on the basketball court….its kind of a sign you need to step away from the court.

of course i yearned to excel academically too. and with two sisters who were and are two of the most intelligent people i know. this brain didn’t hold a candle to them. i learned to be mediocre. to settle for ok. socially i would excel. maybe not in the healthiest ways but i could entertain and keep people laughing. but i never could measure up to who and what my siblings were.

didn’t answer the question that morning. i couldn’t. to me answering i thought meant that i was being prideful and arrogant. yet truthfully i couldn’t come up with anything.(i know this is whole other therapy session). yet all week this question has been bugging me. messing with me. so i changed it up a bit…. “what do i want to excel at?” that makes me feel more at ease. lets me think of it as an attainable goal rather than an already reached destination.  so this is where i am….

-i want to excel at being present.

-i want to excel at giving.

-i want to excel at saying no. so i can say yes to God.

- i want to excel at being obedient .( this one I got from a friend….she already is.)( and she rocks it.)

- i want to excel at listening.

that is all i came up with so far. but it’s a start. and perhaps being little orphan annie was good for the girl i used to be. but not who i want to be.who He needs me to be.