temper tantrums…

to say that i have been in a sour mood lately is about right. sour like a lemonhead. ( not the group). i have many things to be grateful for. many. healthy blessings. a teacher with a great job. (jobs) a home that has four walls. a bathroom that will may be complete this week. friends who love us. love us with portillos.( amazing cake shakes). love us with prayers of comfort with a single hand on the shoulder in the middle of service. love us with pumpkin spice creamer. family that travels through the amazing horrific chicago traffic to visit us. see…i have nothing to be a sour puss about.

but i am. i am feeling discouraged. overwhelmed. blah. kinda like the weather has been. partly because i am an extrovert. (big surprise) and homeschooling is forcing me to be a little introverted. and i am not sure how to do that. so i am lacking social outlet and i don’t know how to balance it all. and i get jealous.( i know another great quality) of my friends who get to hang out. have coffee. run errands. and the selfish ugliness rears its head. its something i have to figure out. i know i am obeying God with homeschooling. i know this. and He and i need to figure this out.

i am also sour in my heart. my heart is hurting right now. my babies are thousands of miles away. and when i go to bed at night i can feel that ache in my heart. when i go to the store i feel it. when we sit around the table each evening there are two plates missing. and it hurts. i try. i do. i really try to keep it all together. but this month. this week. this day. its hard. and it hurts.

i beg Jesus to bring them home. i plead with Him to take the discouragement away from me. i scream out my pain to Him. and He says. through an amazing friend…

wait. wait on Me. wait on the One Who is Faithful.  the One Who is Powerful. wait. not on man. not on others. not on the world. wait. wait on ME.

but as for me , i watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior:my God will hear me.-micah 7:7