james

so it’s been over a week since i have posted. this may be in account because i am dealing with a lot of personal upheaval and or because i can’t put two sentences together. i am only seven days into this 7 challenge. seven months of letting go of the excess in my life. this month’s challenge is 7 foods for a whole month. now to the average person this would seem like no big deal. well people it is. it is a huge deal .i am a food lovin, salsa on everything kind if girl. this past week all i have eaten is this…chicken (only baked or grilled –no breading or seasoning), sweet potatoes, vanilla yogurt, black beans, rice, apples and bananas. that is it. if you will kindly notice there is no coffee, no creamer, no bread, no salsa and chips. i have to admit the first three days i may or may not have told my family the following- i was going to claw anyone’s eyes out that would dare drink coffee around me. i dreamt about java. i smelled it everywhere i went. i would throw down and fight someone who was carrying a starbucks in my vicinity. my relief came when i started popping excedrin like it was candy. it eased the migraines so i could actually function and walk in the land of the living.

what has become apparent to me in this past week is a few things.-

1. i may or may not be addicted to caffeine. ok i am. i own that. my body has become dependent on it and apparently i didn’t think i could function without it. my oldest blessing likes to tease me that the coffee shop called and asked if i were ill. yeah, its that bad people.

2. i am competitive. downright want to win there is no second place competitive. i am doing this challenge with many other women in my church who thought this would be fun.(its not) this is not a good quality when you are trying to have more of Jesus and less of you in your life. it does not fair well for offering grace and forgiveness.  i have had to tell myself many times this past week that not everyone needs to do what i am doing or the way i am doing it. apparently my way is not the only way. hmmm.

3. i am a nicer person when i have food in my belly. my blessings are counting down the days when they can feed me a cupcake or pour coffee down my throat. they have been extremely supportive and loving through this but feel like they would like to share their chicken nuggets with me…i get it.

4. i didn’t say no to myself before this. i don’t. i want something to eat. i eat it. i want something to drink. i drink it. this past week i have begun to learn what It means to say no to myself. to not indulge every ache or hunger i have. to say no. to say yes to feeling the pain. to say yes to reaching for the Word and not the refrigerator door.

its only seven days in. but today is the start of lent. for years i have been inclined to give something up. not perhaps because i wanted to but because that is what we were “supposed to do”. this year as i am entering lent i am already hungry. hungry for salsa people. but more than that i am hungry to be filled by Christ. so i am taking on another task…to memorize the book of james. this is a huge undertaking but i feel like i need it. my soul is aching for it. and since we are still in the waiting for our little ones from across the ocean i want the book of james seeped in every corner of my being.

i pray to come to easter morning filled. filled with His words. filled with His truth. filled with more of Him and less of me.

things He loves.

last night in my “race to the last minute” kind of way i was in the kitchen pouring chocolate over pretzels for the littlest blessings class today. i was almost tempted to pretend that she had slept in and not send her to class at all. all to avoid the dreaded valentines sugar up my child day party. i was willing to forego the “mom of the year” award and pretend like this day never happened. this isn’t a new feeling. valentines day and i really have never seen eye to eye. like i would rather pet a cat then celebrate it. (thank you francis chan) but as i was signing her name to all of the bags of sugared pretzels i realized how sad it made me.

you see thousands of miles away there are little brown eyes that have never known a valentines day. and my heart aches at this reality. but not because of a broken heart. but because my heart has learned to be broken for what breaks HIS. this year as i sit down to write my love letters to my four blessings i know that some are missing. i want so desperately to be writing more letters to more little blessings. until then. i will fight for you. i will pray for you. i will ache for you. i will cry for you. i will love you. i will defend you.

one of my closest friends is also in the waiting. she has been waiting way longer than we have for her daughter to come home. there is not a day that goes by that my heart does not break for her. break for the space she feels inside. break for the passion and fire she conveys in her faith. break for the child that she needs in her home. and this valentines day too means something different for her.

so this dreaded day has actually made me realize that i want to celebrate. celebrate and pray for what breaks Christ’s heart. to share the love that only He can give.

in honor of this day i have some huge. i mean huge giveaways….

1.crazy love- by francis chan ( how can i not give this book away. it rocked my world. so only read if you are ready to have your life turned upside down.if not go ahead and keep reading books that tell you that you are amazing.)

2. ugandan beaded necklace….gorgeous!!!!

3. a signed copy of love you more by jennifer grant. ( this is a heart tugging story of adoption,parenting, and motherhood.) love this girl!

to enter either leave a comment below or leave a comment on my facebook page. I am blessed to have this opportunity to share with you how we have decided to celebrate valentines around here….

love to you.

37

when i was younger. much younger like 16 i thought that 40 was ancient. i had in my hair sprayed head that i would never be that old. as i have gotten older and the hairspray has found its way out of my hair i have realized quite a few things….i can’t wait to be 40. can’t wait. 40 means i am one day closer to seeing the face of Christ.

yesterday was by far the best birthday i have had. by far. my youngest blessing was sorely disappointed in the day. their was no party. no hats. no dressing up. not even a cake. but oh was their joy. i woke to my blessings telling me that someone was in the house with a long ponytail. conversation went a little like this…” honey who is it?”….”..i can’t remember but she has the prettiest ponytail mom” ….. “ and you let her in?”….”but mom she had a coffee”…well.of course let her in.by all means let that woman in!

so the morning started with gorgeous purple flowers and my favorite soy beverage. i came downstairs to an amazing letter from the teacher  with a certificate for a weekend away. the day continued with a rockin uganda        t-shirt, lunch out, more little gifts and ended with an evening with francis chan. this was by far the highlight of the day. maybe the last six months…yep. so i headed into the city with two of my crazy friends ( but we so missed this crazy girl). we sang, worshipped, laughed, and squirmed in our seats as francis chan brought out the gospel. he asked us if we really believed the bible to be true than why are we reading it and not doing it? if we truly believed that james 1:27 to be true than why are we not living it? he asked us if we are getting older than why are we buying more things and holding on to our money like it actually matters? he reminded us that we justify our behaviors by picking and choosing what to believe in the bible. and this is not what we are called to do.

it was awesome! awesome. i was not the only one squirming in my seat. it was a call to action. a call to show crazy love. a call to know that our God is not just an all loving God but a God of judgment and redemption. today as christians we like to make our choices fit into what we think is true instead of what God’s word says is true. and he called out those that are preaching falsely. to be aware. to rebuke.

i woke this morning still floating. on fire. ready to go.

to many this may not seem like a perfect day…but to me. this was a crazy chan kind of day and i loved every moment. so thank you. thank you to all of you that have challenged me to live radically. and this year. 37 is going to rock.

p.s. next blog post….giveway….all the things I love….hint…adoption, uganda, chan man….check back soon for valentines love….

7 foods?

seriously? you want me to pick 7 foods? not 7 types of food? or as my cooking goddess friend suggested…7 restaurants ( that’ s my girl!) nope. 7 foods. for a whole month. this crazy idea came from a book that is rocking my world….

the premise  for the book is that we as americans have an excessive amount of stuff, food, waste, clothing, media and not enough God. at all. so the idea is to have less of ourselves and more of Christ….love.

next month a group of my crazy friends and i will be starting the “7” challenge. thank you jen hatmaker for helping us realize how much we need to take a good look in the mirror and realize how entitled we have all been living. and i am positive that i will be blogging about this journey along the way. in my angry no coffee voice. ( i can’t pick coffee as one of my foods, cause then i would have to pick creamer too.  and that’s just weird.)

my friend and fellow writer monica selby is sharing her experience with the first month of this book today. she is a radical follower of our King and loves to write and speak how this looks in her life. i am honored to have her join us here today….

With three boys in my house (plus a marathoner husband), food quickly disappears. The worst days are when the boys gulp down food without noticing it and cry for more. Finally, one night I snapped.

“Fellas, you have had breakfast, lunch, snack, and dinner today. There are children right around the corner who have had nothing to eat today!”

Three sets of wide, disbelieving eyes. Then Big Boy spoke up:

“Why not, Mommy?”

Oh, boy. I hadn’t planned a lesson on poverty this particular Tuesday night, but as usual my mouth got me into trouble. Sighing, I closed my eyes and asked for wisdom.

“Well, because some kids’ mommies and daddies don’t have enough money to buy them food. So, they might go days without something to fill their bellies.”

More wide eyes as these young boys tried to fathom that, their own bellies poking out the ways kids’ do after eating.

“Well,” Big Boy finally said, nodding emphatically. “You need to buy them food, Mommy.”

Oh dear, if only it worked that way, right?

A few months after this first conversation (it became a recurring one) I bought Jen Hatmaker’s book 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess. In a quest to pare down life, the Hatmakers identified seven areas of excess in their lives. They then spent a month on each area, reducing it to seven simple choices.

This book changed my perspective about so many things. I consider myself rather simple and minimalist. Yet, I often feel my heart beating after the things of this world, rather than the things of the Lord. As I approach my 30^th birthday, the all-or-nothing, semi-crazy approach of this book appeals to me. Usually reserved about my projects, Hubby jumped in this one feet first. So we embarked on food month.

Seven foods: chicken, eggs, spinach, sweet potatoes, almonds, rice, and apples. Olive oil, salt, and pepper are allowed, but no other seasonings, sauces, or spices. (Disclaimer: because Husband is a marathoner, we added pasta, broccoli, and whole-wheat bread to his diet.) The children’s version of the “fast” is no restaurants for a month, not even Chik-fil-a.

We are three weeks in, and I must say, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever voluntarily done. By day two, I was choosing hunger over eating. The physical longing for sugar and red meat subsided by the end of week one, but by week two I was mostly bored.

I didn’t know radical could be boring. “Radical” is sexy, and sexy is decidedly NOT boring. Yet, not too long into our first experiment, and I was so bored it was hard to keep going.

During this month I read John Piper’s Hunger for God. In it he looks at fasting as a way to sharpen our desire for God.

“Fasting tests where the heart is. And when it reveals that the heart is with God and not the world, a mighty blow is struck against Satan. For then Satan does not have the foothold he would if our heart were in love with earthly things like bread.”

Every time I got close to ending our experiment early, this passage came to mind. Do I value God more than I value the things in which I find my identity? Good parenting, well-run home, writing career. These things matter to me, and they are gifts from God. But, do they matter to me more than God himself matters? Or, is it possible, I can trust God even when I am not good at life?

Abraham trusted God with his son. I can’t trust him with my performance in life? Even worse, I’ll choose disobedience only because obedience is boring?

I still don’t understand the mystical connection between fasting and a growing faith in Jesus. I have moments where I almost grasp it, but then it slides away again. However, I do understand that I needed this month. God didn’t need me to give up anything for Him; it doesn’t work that way. But, I needed to know that Satan does not have the foothold in my heart I often fear he does.

In a little over a week, we will end this first month of the 7 experiment. There’s more to come, but I can’t imagine it being this hard. And, to come full circle, we have accounted for all of our food expenditure this month and will write a check to a women and children’s shelter for the amount of money we saved. As my twins say, very sweetly, when we talk about this month,

“Mommy, God wants us to share.”